Farewell Paris, I have somewhere else to be. 

Real Talk

You want real? I'll give you real.

Because when I was in 8th grade life took
the liberty of deciding it was time for
me to grow up.

And for the next four and a half years I
struggled.
I lost friends to depression,
I lost friends because I was too quiet,
and I lost friends because food scared me.

But,

I couldn't be more glad I almost didn't make it.

What I share next is the very first time I wrote.
It's who I was, and the feelings I conquered.
I don't encourage these feelings in anyone, but
it does feel wrong to change what I wrote and
become untrue to myself.



" Something Wrong With me?

Depression my dear is more than you know.
It's just like any other injury.
The difference is the brain's inside the head,
you can't see it happening and you don't want
others to know.
'cause once they do,
you're seen as a freak.
Weird.
Mentally ill to the point of avoidance.

But please see, it's not much different than 
the common cold.
You should be ashamed that you help those
where you see the injury, but not when you 
can't.

But we're hurting too.
We need help.

Antidepressants and therapy sure,
but that doesn't always help.
We feel as though our world's gone back,
perhaps shades of blue.

A smile, a wave, trying to laugh.
Being happy just can't be done, and you'll
never know the physical pain of trying to
hide the sadness.
A simple "I'm fine" might fool others.
But you know it's not going to end.
Sure they say, "everything will be ok",
but when do they say it's going to get
bad again.

Happiness is just another scary thought
feared by those depressed.
It's what we want but can't obtain.
It's something knew and unfamiliar.
Happiness, it won't last,
For fear that once it's enjoyed, it will be 
taken again.

Dark at night, you against the world.
Suicide was the only thought.
Trying to block it out, it all seems 
so clear.
Leave here
and the sadness..
It can't hurt me anymore.
It won't be my only friend,
the feeling that's all too familiar.

Once a friend, truly an angel from above.
He saved me from that night.
Saved me for a day,
a week,
maybe even a month.
But it all comes back, there's almost no
escape.
Some, the feelings pass and they're done
dealing with it, for others it's a life long
struggle.
A fight between the want of happiness,
to feel like everyone else,
And the feeling that you've grown to 
know, the only one you can react to.
When the only way to end the pain is to 
leave this place,
Only because death is involved, they say..

"Please don't go.
You're beautiful,
One of a kind,
You can't be replaced."

When hun, don't you realize, 
you already have.

No one will notice, and if they do..
They'll move on so quick it's really
like I never lived.

So when my thoughts,
my feelings,
they won't go away.
I myself, must leave. "

I'm still a little lost in my darkness, but I've
found myself.
Because when I was alone I discovered what
was most important to me, the friends that
mattered, and the family I relearned to
love.

You wanted real, and this is the writing that
was my beginning.

These are the words that kept me alive.

Vivid

I remember learning the truth about the unexplained.

I remember how the house became still when we almost lost you the night before.

But..

I don't remember ever thinking I could lose someone so loved.

S/o to Dan Humphrey

Dear Dan Humphrey aka Adam Canfield,

Your blog was nice so I composed a song to one of my favorite writings of yours.

Also I couldn't just upload audio so I had to do a video, but I didn't have time to make a real one.. so this is what you get :')

Fear - Dan Humphrey/Adam Canfield

A mirror. Yes. I think a mirror  can be one of the scariest things in the world.
Looking yourself in the eye, that's hard to do.
Considering all the fears you could have. Most of these fears are completely irrational.
And especially irrelevant when you come to the realization that you're going to die.
Why would you be worried about what others may be thinking about you when one day
you'll die and it won't matter at all?
Be happy with who you are.
Accept yourself for who you are.
Stare into the mirror, and see yourself as you truly are.

Alive and full of potential.

#blackoutpoetry

Dear "Brown Eyes"

I miss you.

I miss YOU, so much.

It hurts, and I just pray you're okay.
That you stopped doing reckless things..
So that one day I don't have to get a bad
phone call from your mom.

The other night I was with this boy, but
it didn't seem fair.
Because everything brought me back to you..
And the stranger beside me who's nothing
more than a friend,
He doesn't deserve this..
To have me pretend he's in my head, when
really I'm thinking of you.

So please answer the phone because I don't
want this to be the last time.
I regret having to leave so suddenly, but
believe me, the moment I was gone my heart
ached and I yearned to hear you nearby.

Because we seem to go in circles and
every time I'm back,
I have to wait while you catch up.
But I think I took this pattern for granted,
Because what if..

"I can't come back tonight, I'm sorry"

     was the last I'll ever say to you.

And everything stimulating my senses pulls
memories back from the dark of all we've
done.

and I hate it.

I hate it.
I hate it.
I HATE IT.



Simply because the emotion is a lot bigger
      than the three words "I miss you"

BE HONEST

I hate football games
I'm scared of popular kids
and besides church, I haven't talked
to my friends in three weeks.

I cry when I eat because food
tastes just that good
I laugh too hard at stupid jokes
And I'm constantly asked if I'm high.

and that's okay.. 
because the name's Leland,
otherwise known as Kira.

Kira
Alexandra
Hurst

17 and planning on being a cat lady,
because I already don't care what
others think.
Because even though everyone is
having a "fabulous" high school
experience, I'm ready to go out
and live.
And all I care about is being with
those that make me happy.

Because in the end..

All I want is to be honest.

and that's why, whether my writing
is signed by Leland, or Kira,

Just know,

It's still the same me.